


spring

by astral_kiss



Series: love in lockdown [1]
Category: The Fall (TV 2013), The X-Files
Genre: Bisexual Dana Scully, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Neighbors, Pandemics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27725099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astral_kiss/pseuds/astral_kiss
Summary: a look at the spring months of lockdown for Stella and Dana.
Relationships: Stella Gibson/Dana Scully
Series: love in lockdown [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119038
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55





	1. Scully's day off

**Author's Note:**

> lockdown has been driving me insane and this idea has been floating around my head for weeks. I finally had the chance to write. This is my first big writing project so feedback is greatly appreciated😊
> 
> stay safe and well💜

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully invites Stella over for a socially-distanced lunch.

Living in a global pandemic isn’t easy. Life has been well and truly turned upside down. Families connecting over zoom or facetime, people working from home, the stores running out of toilet paper and hospitals stretched to their limit. For Stella, the isolation part and working from home was easy… at first but now she missed the human connection as ludicrous as that sounds. Stella had been helping out her neighbour who was a doctor at the local hospital. Her neighbour, Dana Scully, would drop off a list of supplies that she needed and Stella would get them when she did her weekly shop. Dana had been working tirelessly through the pandemic and her friendship with Stella had grown massively.

When Stella woke, it was eight am and she just wanted to stay in bed. Her phone vibrated on the nightstand and she reached over to pull the charger wire out. It was a text from Dana.

_I finally have a day off. Want to have a socially distanced lunch in my garden? I have wine. D x_

Stella smiled to herself and immediately started typing a reply. 

_Good, you work so hard and you need rest. What time should I come over? Should I bring anything? - S._

After she sent her reply, she dropped her phone back on the nightstand and climbed out of bed. It was a nice spring day from what Stella could see from the gap in the curtains. She sighed, grabbed her robe and headed towards her bathroom. 

Feeling refreshed after her shower, she snatched her phone from its resting place and went downstairs for a light breakfast. Her phone buzzed in her hand while she carried her coffee to the kitchen table. It was another text from Dana. 

_Is 12 okay? Don’t worry about bringing anything, other than yourself ;) x_

Stella went about doing small chores after she finished her coffee and before she knew it, it was 12 pm. She slipped on her sliders and walked into the garden. She closed her patio door, locked it and descended down the garden. She flicked the latch on her garden gate and slipped into the little alleyway behind her house. A few seconds later, she was knocking on Dana’s gate with a small smirk on her face. 

“It’s unlocked” she heard Dana shout and she opened the gate. She closed the gate behind her and stood waiting at the bottom of the garden as Dana was organising two trays of food. Stella had come to realise that her friendship with Dana was something she had never experienced before and she trusted Dana. Stella didn’t trust many people and Dana knew that. As she watched Dana, she felt something in her stomach, like the butterflies you get when you’re nervous and Stella wasn’t sure why she was feeling like this. 

“You okay?” Dana asked and it pulled Stella out of her thoughts. 

“Yes, sorry. I was lost in thought.” Stella replied and took a couple of steps forward. Dana sat on a sun lounger that was resting on the patio and the vacant lounger was set up for Stella on the grass, directly in front of Dana’s but 2 metres apart. There was a tray placed on a stool next to Stella’s lounger with food and a large glass of wine. 

“I just wanted to say thank you again for everything you have done for me during these past few months. You’ve been so kind and I don’t know how I can ever repay you.” Dana spoke quietly, avoiding eye contact with Stella. 

“Dana, you don’t have to repay me. It’s no big deal. I offered to help you out as you’ve worked so hard and sacrificed so much. I literally spend my days doing paperwork or teach an occasional class, I want to give back in any way possible.” Stella replied before sipping on her wine. 

“I am going repay you somehow and don’t argue with me,” Dana said with a smile on her face. Stella smiled back and raised her glass. Dana did the same and they drank in silence. 

Dana broke the silence with a question, “Stell, I have a question. It’s personal and if you aren’t comfortable with asking then that’s okay.” 

Stella shifted in the lounger but gestured for Dana to continue. 

“What was your first experience with a woman like?” Dana asked and Stella smirked. 

“I had just graduated from university and I met someone at the graduation party. She was in the same year as me but studied a different course. I had seen her around, we would pass each other in the corridor or sit on the same table in the library but we had never communicated. Anyway, at the party, we were both tipsy and high when we first started talking. By the end of the night, she had taken me back to her flat and we fucked. I don’t remember too much but it was okay. She told me that it was her first time with a woman before I left.” Stella didn’t break eye contact with Dana as she told the story and Stella immediately sensed that Dana was intrigued. Their gazes meet and Dana feels a shiver run down her spine. She masks her reaction by taking a large swig from her wine glass. Stella places her wine glass on the stool and picks up a sandwich. She takes a bite and Dana involuntarily licks her lips. After finishing her bite of the sandwich, Stella asks Dana a question, “why are you so interested in my experiences with a woman?” 

“I… well, I’m just curious as I think I’m developing feelings for someone.” her voice shook slightly and she cursed herself internally.

“By someone, you mean a woman?” Stella asked and Dana nodded in response. 

The conversation stopped and they decided to eat. Occasionally, they would look at each other almost like they were going to say something but they never did. The rest of the afternoon was spent chatting about Dana’s life in the US before she moved to the UK 4 years ago. It was around 5 pm when Stella returned to her house and she had missed 3 phone calls plus a voicemail from her boss. She rolled her eyes but ignored all the voicemail as she didn’t want to ruin her good mood. Instead, she curled up on the sofa with a book. 

Dana, on the other hand, was tidying up from her lunch with Stella. She dragged the sun lounger that Stella had been sat on back to the patio and smiled to herself. Her friendship with Stella has really developed since they met a year ago. At first, Stella had been distant and not very cooperative but she seemed to relax after their first proper conversation with each other. That conversation only happened as Dana had taken a package for Stella who had been at work when it had been delivered. Ever since then, they had become closer but this pandemic really changed everything between them and Dana was the happiest she had been in years.


	2. changing seasons and feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dana is working and struggling emotionally so she calls on Stella for support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, lovelies!! this is out a day later than I originally planned as me and Cleo (my amazing beta) changed a few bits as they fitted the chapter better. life is a bit hectic for me at the minute but I am hoping to update regularly. I finish university for this term next week and then I'll have more time to write. I hope you guys enjoyed Chapter 1! this is so fun to write and I hope I am doing the characters some justice and not completely fucking this up <3
> 
> as always, feedback is appreciated and it makes my day! another huge thank you to Cleo, for being my beta and my sounding board while listening to my chaotic spirals about Gillian. 
> 
> Love, K x

It’s been a week since Stella and Dana had their lunch date. Stella has been teaching more classes (and she is starting to enjoy it but she wouldn’t admit it out loud) and Dana has been working non-stop again. They exchanged texts regularly but Stella had a feeling that Dana was so tired. The case rate in London had risen and has now started to decrease as spring ends and summer starts. There was a heatwave forecasted for the end of the week and Stella huffed her annoyance as she switched the tv off. She hated the heat in the UK in the summer as it was suffocating and the house never stayed cool for long enough. As she entered the kitchen, she made a mental note to find her fans and bring one downstairs. Her phone pinged on the counter and Stella smiled to herself. She took a large gulp of water from the bottle she had left on the kitchen counter and picked up her phone. She unlocked her phone, ignored some emails and clicked on the text. 

_I need you to get something for me and bring it to the hospital. I’ll be on my break in five._

Stella frowned as she read the message again before typing a quick reply. 

_What do you need? X_

The message was read straight away and Stella fiddled with the water bottle as she waited for Dana’s response. She had a gut feeling that something was bothering Dana but Stella didn’t want to pry. She would wait for Dana to come to her if she needed support. 

_There’s a box in my letterbox, it’s addressed to me and already open. Just bring it and meet me in the flower garden - D_

She read the message a few times before dropping her phone down on the counter and running a hand over her face. After slipping on her shoes and pocketing her phone. She locked her front door and headed to Dana’s. She grabbed the small box from the letterbox and walked to her car, resisting the urge to peek inside the box. She placed the box on the passenger seat and then climbed into the driver’s side. 

The drive to the hospital was quick and Stella parked in the multi-storey before heading round the back of the building to the flower garden. Her mask was making her even warmer and she cursed the British weather. Dana had told her before about how she found the flower garden relaxing and a safe place when work was heavy on her emotions. As Stella headed down the path, she could see Dana’s fierce hair blowing in the light wind as she watched the flowers flow freely from her position on the bench. 

“Dana?” Stella spoke softly and Dana turned her head straight away. Her eyes caught sight of the box and she smiled. Stella placed the box near the bench and stepped onto the grass that Dana had been staring at moments before. 

“Thank you for coming all this way,” she said as she picked up the box and rested it on her thighs. 

“It’s not a problem. I’ve had an unproductive morning and it’s nice to get out of the house without having to worry about queueing at the supermarket.” she tugged off her mask and welcomed the cool air. 

“I was supposed to bring this box with me this morning but I was in such a rush. I overslept again.” Dana sighed and Stella watched her body language change. 

“Is it important? The contents of the box… sorry I’m being nosy” Stella said, shifting her position on the grass and slipping her mask back on. 

“It’s a present for a patient. It’s her birthday and her parents cannot visit her. So, I decided to buy her a present and one of the volunteers on the ward baked a small cake. It’s her 10th birthday, she should be having a party, instead, she is stuck in the hospital fighting COVID-19 without her parents by her side.” Dana’s voice cracked, the tears pooled in her eyes and she was fighting the breakdown. 

“It’s okay,” Stella said but it wasn’t enough. She wanted to pull Dana into her arms and comfort her properly but she couldn’t. Of course, her words had more than one meaning and she hoped that Dana sensed that. Stella remembers a conversation they had over Chinese takeout when Dana had told her how much she struggled emotionally when her patients were children. She loves her job. She loves helping people but the emotionally charged cases sometimes make Scully question why she does her job. This comment made Stella reassure Dana that she was brilliant at her job and that expressing her emotions is normal (even though Stella herself struggles with that exact same process). 

“It’s so warm today,” Dana said, changing the subject and wanting to feel normal for just a few minutes before she headed back to her ward. 

“It’s only going to get hotter,” Stella replied and the annoyance was clear in her voice but it made Dana smile. 

They stay silent for a minute or two just to listen to the birds and enjoy each other's company. Stella rose from her spot on the grass and headed to the path when Dana’s voice stopped her. 

“Stell, are you busy this weekend? Well not busy because we’re in a pandemic but I mean... Anyway, I have this weekend off and I was, well, wondering if you wanted to have lunch again?” Her gaze fell from Stella’s and she fiddled with one of the flaps on the box. 

“I’m teaching a class Saturday morning then I am available for the rest of the day. Sunday, I have nothing on.” Stella replied and a smile broke out on Dana’s face. 

“It’s a date,” Dana said quietly before turning away from Stella. They parted ways and Stella headed home with many thoughts running through her mind. 

Stella went home and did some paperwork. She had a light dinner as it was too warm to cook and when she was sitting in the garden, watching the sun go down, she heard Dana’s patio door open. The fence between their gardens was low and when Stella stood, she could see the top of the shorter woman’s head. Her fiery hair glowed in the golden hour sunshine and Stella felt her heart constrict. These feelings that Stella had been experiencing were new to her but she could hazard a guess to what they were.

Stella heard cutlery clinking from the other side of the fence and she smirked. Dana never cooked when she came home from work, she would pick up takeout or eat the leftovers from the night before. Stella’s phone vibrated on the kitchen counter and she rushed inside to get it. She sat back in her wicker chair with her glass of wine on the glass table next to her. Her chair faced the bottom of the garden and she had a clear view of the sunset, one of the advantages of living on a hill. 

The text was from Dana and Stella had to reread it as she thought she was imagining what it said. 

_Stella, I hope I’m not interrupting your evening and I just wanted to say something that I had been too scared to say earlier. I really enjoy your company and I cannot wait to have lunch with you again (I wish we didn’t have to socially distance). I wanted to tell you that I do consider our lunch as a date but if that makes you uncomfortable, then I won’t take it personally. I hope you enjoy your evening and don’t overwork yourself. - Dana x_

Stella hesitated before typing a reply. She’d never hesitated before and that made her shift uncomfortably in the chair. It was obvious that things had changed but Dana nearly revealed her feelings for Stella. This unnerved Stella as she wasn’t sure about her own feelings for Dana. There was an attraction, it was undeniable but Stella never Dana would want to be anything more than platonic. Stella gathered her thoughts before typing her reply. 

_Dana, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable in the slightest. I rather enjoy your company too. I’ll bring the wine this time. Don’t overwork yourself, you already do so much. - S x_

She hit send and decided to call it a night. She retired inside and had a cool bath before searching for the fans. She found them immediately and she also found something she hadn’t seen in months. It was a book that Dana had lent her. Stella had read it but completely forgotten to give it back. Dana had been talking about Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Stella had made a comment on how she had never read it. That night before Dana had gone to work, she slipped the book through the letterbox. Stella smiled as she thumbed through the pages and traced over a note that Dana had made on one of the pages. The ink faded but she could still make out what Dana had written in the margin. She remembers Dana telling her that she only brought a small number of belongings over from the U.S. The rest was either thrown, donated or put into storage by her mother. 

Dana on the other hand was still sitting in her garden, just watching the sunset and lost in thought. She had been so nervous about sending that text to Stella. Rejection from Stella terrified her as she didn’t want it to ruin their friendship. After reassuring herself a thousand times that Stella wouldn’t let this affect their friendship, she pressed send and placed the phone screen down on the table. When it buzzed, Dana snatched it from the table and let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding in. She hadn’t been rejected and she read the message over and over again. She heard Stella’s patio door close and she felt a blush rise to her cheeks. They were texting and the only thing stopping them from interacting in person was a low fence. She sat watching the sky for a few more minutes before heading inside and washing her dirty dishes. 

She decided to head to bed early as she has an early shift at the hospital and she wanted to get there on time. Her phone buzzed again as she was brushing her teeth. She quickly rinsed her mouth out and rushed into her bedroom. She slipped into an oversized shirt, crawled into bed and checked her notifications. A few emails from work, a reminder to have her COVID-19 test done and a text from Stella. 

_Don’t forget to set an alarm. Sweet dreams. X_

That night, Dana Scully fell asleep with a smile on her face, her thoughts only about Stella and not what the world outside was coming too.


	3. positive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dana's covid test results ruin her weekend plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii everyone! So I am behind on updating as I wasn't in the right state of mind to write. I owe Cleo a huge thank you for helping me with most of this. I am so sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.

Friday, 7:00 am. 

Every week Dana would have a COVID-19 test as she was a front-line worker. She had the test on Wednesday and received the results this morning. When she saw the result, she felt herself panicking and lost. She had tested positive. She stared at the text message for a few minutes before calling the only person who mattered at this moment. Dana prayed that Stella was awake so she didn’t have to deal with her thoughts alone. After two rings, the line clicked alive. 

_“Dana, what’s wrong?”_ Stella’s voice was low and raspy, indicating that she had been woken up by Dana’s call. 

“Stel, fuck, I’m a mess right now,” Dana said as she wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks. 

_“What’s happened?”_ Stella cleared her throat and she sounded more awake. 

“I got my weekly COVID-19 test results back. I have COVID.” Dana’s voice cracked and she sighed. 

_“Shit. How do you feel? You didn’t have any symptoms, right? You were fine when I saw you the other day.”_ The concern in Stella’s voice was evident and that made Dana feel less anxious. 

“I feel fine. I haven’t displayed any symptoms but this seems to be happening more often now which is worrying. I have to isolate for 14 days and then they’re going to test me again before I go back to work. Fuck, I need to call the ward.” Dana was rambling but Stella didn’t stop her as she knew that Dana needed to get her emotions out. 

_“Call the ward, then relax by taking a bath or something then call me back. I have an idea.”_ Stella said before hanging up. Dana felt a smile creep onto her face as Stella ended the call. 

When she first got to know Stella, she admired how the blonde woman would find a good outcome of any situation and she told Stella this, which led to a conversation about her father and how he would do the same. During the first months of their friendship, Dana had been very open about certain aspects of life. There were subjects she didn’t even want to talk about, specifically her life in America before she moved to London. Whereas Stella on the other hand, had trouble opening up as she had never trusted someone like she trusts Dana. As their friendship blossomed, Stella slowly started opening up to Dana. They exchanged short stories about their childhood and Stella even told a story or two about her teenage years.

Dana’s phone call went well with the ward. Her team wished her a speedy recovery and said that they would miss her while she was out. She had started running the bath when her phone vibrated on the counter next to the sink. It was a notification from her Ring doorbell. Someone had rung the bell and left something on her doorstep. The doorbell had picked up the motion but the camera hadn’t caught the person’s face. She quickly turned off the tap and rushed downstairs. On the doorstep, there was a small box with a post-it note attached to the top with “open me in 45 minutes” written with care and she knew it was Stella’s handwriting. Usually, Stella’s handwriting was a bit messy (from what Dana had seen) but she had taken time to prepare whatever this is. Dana picked the box up and kicked the door shut. She placed it gently on the kitchen table and headed back upstairs to resume running her bath. 

After her relaxing bath, she got dressed in more comfortable clothes and went downstairs to investigate the box. Dana wanted to open it but she decided to wait until Stella face-timed her. She got herself a glass of water before making herself comfortable on the sofa. The box rested on the coffee table and her phone was propped up by some books. As soon as it started ringing, she swiped accepted and lent back into the cushions. On the screen, she could see Stella was curled up in her armchair, they were mirroring each other without having known how the other was sitting before the call.

They watched each other for a minute before Stella spoke up.

_“you can open the box.”_

Dana smiled as she lifted the box onto her lap. She peeled the post-it note off, dropped it on the cushion next to her and lifted the flaps of the box back. There was one thing in the box. It was an A5 leather notebook. Dana picked it up and ran her hand over the leather cover. She looked up at the screen and saw Stella looking directly at her.

“What is this for?” Dana asked and Stella shifted on screen.

_“It’s a journal of all my thoughts and feelings… my therapist proposed the idea a few months ago and I wanted to wait until I was comfortable to share them with you.”_

“Stella, I cannot even fathom a response to this. I am so happy that you’re comfortable enough to share this with me. But I have one question, should I read this now or wait?” Dana felt more comfortable with asking Stella’s permission.

_“I’ve marked the pages I would like you to look at now. The rest you can read whenever, preferable when I’m not present.” The emotion was clear on her face and she hoped that Dana would understand that she never shared her thoughts and feelings unless it was with her therapist. This was Stella’s way of completely opening up._

Dana was lost for words so she nodded before watching Stella for a few seconds on her screen. She hoped that Stella could see the understanding in her eyes and that she could trust Dana with anything.

_“The first one marked is actually after our first dinner,” Stella added as Dana turned to the first entry that was marked with a green post-it._

She fiddled with the post-it as she read the entry. It wasn’t very long, roughly half a page but Stella’s description was gracefully worded. Stella had written a description of Dana and how she had been struck by her beauty. Dana wiped the stray tear that fell from her eye and she could see Stella smiling out of the corner of her eye.

“This is beautiful. You thought I looked so beautiful that night? We had only known each other for a short period and I looked like a mess. That was the first time I’d ever worn that blue blouse.” Dana said as she turned her attention fully to Stella.

_“and like I said in the journal, it brings out the colour of your captivating eyes,” Stella said with a smirk, causing Dana to blush._

They stayed like this, reading through Stella’s journal, sharing stories and flirting for hours. They both had to move to a different location in their houses when their phones were dying. They laughed, cried and teased each other until the sun went down. Even though their weekend plans had been turned upside down, they still made a bad situation turn into a good one.

When Stella ended the call, Dana slipped out onto the patio and headed to the bottom of her garden. There was a swing attached to the oak tree, tucked away in the corner. She curled up on the two-seater swing and looked up at the inky blue sky. The crescent moon was visible and she smiled as she gently rocked the swing. She flicked her gaze over to Stella’s and she could see Stella just staring out of her bedroom window.

She reverted her gaze as she felt Stella’s eyes lock with hers. Dana could just make out the smile that spread across Stella’s face and she felt her cheeks heat up. Things between them had shifted today and there was a small sense of hope in the back of Dana’s mind. Has she finally found someone who makes her feel complete?


	4. revelations and tension.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things between Stella and Dana get tense, leading them to question everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas lovelies!! I hadn't intended this to be so angsty but it felt right. Don't worry, things will be less angsty when I update after Christmas x
> 
> immy, this one is for you. thank you for being so kind and supportive. you've made these last two months bearable and you deserve so much happiness💜💖

It was the last day of Dana’s quarantine and she was relaxing in the garden with Stella’s journal open in her lap. She was reading through the unmarked entries and had to stop when she came across an entry about Stella’s therapy sessions when she spoke about her father. Dana knew that Stella would clamp up whenever they spoke about their families and she understands that it is so emotionally draining.

Once she had composed herself and closed the journal, she picked up her phone and scrolled through the news. The government are considering easing the national lockdown in June if the case rate and R rate decreased steadily. She sighed, three more months of lockdown and not seeing Stella properly. It was starting to affect her mental health. She was struggling but she couldn’t admit it out loud not even to Stella, the person she trusted the most. She misses her mother immensely. There is a small part of her that wishes she hadn’t left America but the opportunity to work at this hospital was once in a lifetime and she just knew that it was perfect for her. She should’ve been visiting her mother this summer but lockdown completely fucked up those plans. Calling her mother wasn’t enough anymore. She missed her mother’s smile, laugh and hugs. She craved any form of intimacy. She also misses hugging Stella.

A knock on her back gate pulled her from her thoughts and she knew who it was. “It’s open” she shouted and the gate opened immediately. They had fallen into the pattern of visiting each other in their gardens when things got tough. It wasn’t technically breaking the rules as they stayed two metres apart and didn’t spend any longer than 30 minutes there.

Stella had a medium-sized plastic container in her hand and a bottle of milk in the other.

“You remember my milk, thank you,” Dana said as Stella placed the items on the grass and stepped away. Dana quickly got up and grabbed the items, shooting Stella a quick smile.

“Of course, you wouldn’t stop going on about how you couldn’t have a decent cup of tea without milk,” Stella replied with her eyebrow raised. Dana rolled her eyes playfully before heading inside to put the milk into the fridge. When she returned, Stella had sat on the swing and was watching her. She pulled the chair onto the grass and sat back down on it. The journal remained open on the table and the light summer breeze blew the pages slowly.

“How was your day?” Dana asked, watching as Stella sighed and ran her hand through her long hair.

“Terrible. I had to go into the office and collect a file for a case review I’ve been assigned to and all this paperwork is so boring. Usually, I wouldn’t mind it but I have other things on my mind and I find myself becoming more distracted at home than I would at the office on a normal day.” Stella replied before rubbing her shoulder. The knot was driving her insane and was adding to her downcast mood.

“Is your shoulder still bothering you?” Dana asked. When Stella first had the pains in her shoulder, she would say she was “fine” and that she had “slept funny” but Dana could tell it was more than that. She had to pry the truth about Stella’s pain out of her. Stella had pulled while working on her punching bag and ever since then, it’s been painful and sore.

Stella opened her mouth to reply but immediately closed it when Dana asserted “Do not tell that ‘you’re fine’ because you aren’t. It hurts me to see you in pain so please be honest with me.”

“Dana, I must have just slept awkwardly. It’s been okay for days until I woke up this morning.” Stella snapped back and she saw Dana turn away.

“Stella, I keep pressing you on this matter because you may have done more damage than you think. If the pain persists, you may need a scan.” Dana added before heading back inside.

Dana knew that Stella was stubborn and would leave to think about what happened. As she stood in the kitchen, she fought the urge to go back out there straight away and apologise but she didn’t need to apologise. Stella did and she had a feeling that Stella knew that she did too. They had never disagreed about anything before and it made Dana question what their real fights would be like as a _couple._ That thought excited her but at the same time, it made her doubt herself. Would Stella want a committed relationship or just a no strings attached arrangement?

A noise rang out in the garden and Dana knew what it was. It was the gate closing. She wishes they could sort it out now but space was better for them right now. Her doorbell rang and it was her postman. There was a parcel and a few letters on her doorstep. She smiled at the postman as he closed her front gate. The box had a label from the hospital on it and she knew it contained files so she was ready for her return to work on Monday. The letters weren’t important so she shredded them and got to work on the files. The 10-year-old girl who had covid was fully recovered and was being discharged on Tuesday. Knowing she could spend some time with her before saying goodbye was one of the only things that were keeping her emotionally in-check.

Three hours later, all patient files, treatment plans and notes were reviewed. The afternoon had flown-by and she was back in the garden. The salad she prepared in the morning was laid out on the table and a glass of chilled white wine occupied it. She ate in silence; the only noise was the pages of Stella’s journal rustling. It was still so strange to hear London this quiet. She was so focused on eating that she didn’t hear the gate creak open and Stella standing by the oak tree.

“Dana, will you look at me, please?” Stella asked, her tone was defeated and this surprised Dana. She looked up and saw that Stella was in her gym clothes. She had been using her punchbag even though her shoulder was causing her pain.

“Before you say anything, yes I did work the bag but not for long. It didn’t make me feel any better about the way I spoke to you. I’m sorry. I never intended to get frustrated with you. I’m not used to people caring and giving two shits about me. I wasn’t lying when I said that the pain only started again when I woke up.” Stella commented and Dana felt a small smile spread across her face even though her stomach was churning with worry.

“It takes time and I understand that but all I am asking is that you don’t snap at me. I care about you Stella, more than I ever thought was possible. Please don’t be afraid to let me in. I promise not to hurt you.” Dana replied quietly and she sensed that Stella heard her because Stella flashed her a smile.

“I’ve always known you won’t hurt me. I’m more afraid that I’ll hurt you and I could never forgive myself for that.” Stella said softly before leaving Dana alone again.

This wasn’t the way things were supposed to go between them but Stella needed time and space to think. Revelations had been made and the best she could do was process them. She wants to commit to Dana but she needs to sort herself out first. She’s made it clear to Dana that she is attracted to her and she is fairly certain Dana is attracted to her. The thing she was still struggling with was allowing Dana in and expressing her feelings. She hopes she hasn’t upset Dana even further and most importantly; she hopes that Dana understands why Stella needs to distance herself instead of jumping in headfirst.


	5. stella's letter to dana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's been a week since the incident and Stella decides to apologise for her behaviour in the form of a letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey angels!! I've been mulling over this chapter for days and I wanted to give you a chapter before 2020 ends so here it is. I'm very nervous about this one as I feel like I haven't done Stella justice and it seems out of character. I am so sorry for this but the idea just wouldn't leave me alone and I tried my best! 
> 
> Happy New Year!! X

_Dana,_

_This is the only way I can form any words to describe and apologise for my behaviour._

_I’ve never been in a committed relationship before. The only person I’ve ever loved is my father and the possibility of me loving someone else is so unfamiliar. Ever since I was a teenager, I wanted to be alone as it felt so much safer than settling down. My parents didn’t have a happy marriage and they divorced when I was small. My mother has always been heartless, cold and manipulative and she didn’t want children but when she fell pregnant, my father was over the moon. The divorce was tough on my father especially as he was seriously ill and trying to put on a front. He didn’t fool me and I’d experienced first-hand how toxic marriage or any long-term relationship could be._

_When I was at university, I slept with many men and women. I am not ashamed of this. It made me feel powerful and free. No strings attached, no boundaries and no being tied to the same person. Of course, some people wanted a relationship but I pushed them away or hurt them. Then as a police officer, I have done the same. I’ve slept with colleagues, random people I’ve picked up at a bar and many of those have been married. The consequences do not bother me. It’s not my fault if a husband or wife cheated and their partner finds out. I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for a quick fuck._

_But then I met you and everything changed. I was distant at first because I knew that you would disapprove of my ways of pleasure. Opening up to you is hard and I hate being vulnerable. However, with you, I feel safe and accepted. I am truly sorry for how I reacted last week. I understand your concern for me and I should have accepted that but that feeling of being cared for is new and untouched territory. It wasn’t my intention to be rude and I hope you can forgive me._

_I would also like to apologise for not reaching out sooner. I needed time to get my head clear and I wanted to give you space to breathe. This pandemic isn’t helping our mental health and I know you’re struggling but I never know what to say to make it easier for you to talk to me when you’re having a bad day. I’m always a phone call or a text away. I have never said this to anyone before, but I would drop anything and be by your side when you need me. Trust works both ways and I’m learning how to trust._

_\- Stella -_


	6. dana's reply

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dana writes and sends her reply to Stella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey angels! thank you for all the love recently, it really means the world to me and motivates me even further to write. I hope this isn't too out of character for Scully <3

_Dear Stella,_

_Thank you for expressing your feelings and being completely honest. I know it takes so much courage to open up when you’ve been so guarded with your feelings. From personal experience, I’ve known people who never open up and it destroys them completely. I say personal, I loved him and he loved me but there were many things left untouched and unsaid. Ultimately, it broke us._

_Your father sounded like a wonderful man and he would be so proud of what you’ve achieved. Having a mother who never wanted you must have been so hard and mentally draining for you. Their relationship broke down and that’s normal. I understand how much you miss your father. I miss my father deeply. My mother struggled to cope but myself and my brothers helped the best we could. I found it hard when I had to say goodbye but she understands that moving to London was a dream. There is a part of me that wishes your mother was kinder but there are people out there who don’t understand how to love others. Those people usually don’t love themselves._

_Your sexual history doesn’t bother me. Of course, it would bother some people but they’ve never seen the softer side to you. This side of you is who I fell in love with. At times, you act like you aren’t affected by something that happened on a case or a story I tell you about a patient but deep down, I know you care and you want to make things right even when it isn’t possible. You fight for justice when people can’t and you do a damn good job. It’s okay to express emotion because bottling up will eventually become overwhelming and you’ll break. I would never judge you for being vulnerable or weak, we’re only human and sometimes we experience things that are too much physically, mentally and emotionally. It is okay to seek help. I know you’re trying and I am proud of you. I encourage you to trust me and open up because I want to support you and help you see the good in life. I want you to feel safe when you’re around me._

_I forgave you days ago but I trusted my gut and you trusted me to give you space. I was worried but as you said, this is all untouched territory for you and I’m sorry if I ever overstepped. You shouldn’t feel the need to apologise for needing space. It’s totally fine if you need a breather. This pandemic is only making things harder but we can get through this together if you’re comfortable with taking this slow. We don’t need to rush or put a label on it and we cannot do much because of the rules but we’ll figure something out. I will always be here to support you. You can call me day or night and I’ll respond as quickly as I can._

_Yours truly, Dana._


	7. shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stella and dana have a lunch date which has a positive effect on their developing relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii!! this is extremely short, it's more of a filler before I move onto the next stage of the story :) I will try to update weekly but I am studying and writing in between <3
> 
> the next instalment of this series will be called 'summer' and it focuses on this summer months of the pandemic when the lockdown is eased ;)

Three weeks later.

Work had been tough for Dana. They lost two more patients and a doctor. She had relied on Stella massively for support and they were slowly returning to normal. Stella had finished reviewing a case and was back to teaching. She had been to the office again to pick up some things before heading to the hospital. A new part of their routine was to have a socially distanced lunch in the flower garden before Stella would head home after visiting her office. It was on her way home and she never stayed long so she technically wasn’t breaking the rules. Spring was still unusually warm but it was refreshing after being stuck inside for hours.

Stella parked and locked her car before heading to the flower garden. Her lunch was nestled under her arm in a plastic container and the brown bag in her hand rustled as she walked. The gate to the flower garden was open and just continued until Dana came into view.

“what’s in the bag?” Dana asked as Stella placed her things on the ground before sitting on the grass.

“it’s something for you,” Stella replied, sliding the bag in Dana’s direction. It stopped short of her and Dana quickly swiped it from the warm grass. The bag rustled as Dana investigated and a smile broke out on her face.

“A bag full of sweets, you’re a lifesaver. The vending machine is broken and we need a boost sometimes. This is perfect, thank you, Stella. This will help all the staff on the ward” Dana said, a smile gracing her lips and Stella smiled back.

They ate and talked about different things. There were rumours that lockdown would slowly be eased in four weeks and that made Dana happy. She hoped that she could have some time off in the summer to spend with Stella.

“if lockdown does end in four weeks, what do you plan on doing?” Dana asked Stella who was drinking from her water bottle.

“Well, we can’t travel, I’ll probably just stay at home and go to the park if I get fed up. It’s nearly summer so the weather should be better and I can spend more time in the garden… with you,” the last part came out quietly, a sign that she was doubting herself but she was open which was a good step forward.

“I’d love to spend time with you, especially once lockdown is lifted and we don’t have to be socially distanced. Plus, I’ll be able to do my grocery shopping for a while.” Dana said with a playful grin plastered on her face.

“I don’t mind doing your shopping, I find it rather interesting as you can learn a lot about a person from what food they eat. You wish you had more time to cook from scratch, you enjoy dessert and are addicted to strawberries,” Stella said, their gazes met, and if it were allowed, Stella would have kissed Dana.

Dana sensed the shift in Stella’s body language and a light blush rose on her cheeks. They gazed at each other for a few moments before returning to their lunches. The sun was warm, and for a second, it didn’t feel like they were in the middle of a global pandemic, it felt like a normal day, and Stella was having lunch with her friend. But they were pulled back to reality when Dana’s pager beeped.

“Duty calls, unfortunately. Thank you for coming to lunch with me,” Dana said as she gathered her things and got up quickly. She smiled at Stella before heading towards the hospital. Once Dana was out of sight, Stella picked her things up and headed back to her car. The drive home was quick but all she could think about was the endless possibilities of what summer would bring.


End file.
